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10 years as a single Mom; Here is how I did it.

Born in Kenya but raised in Uganda. She moved to Kenya during her teenage years when in high school. After a few years of finishing school, she met a man in Nairobi, dated for a while then her phase two journey began. Maureen her name, a resident in Nairobi, was sharing her story with homeTv and here it is.

I met a man who is now the father of my 10 years old boy. We were not married but we dated for more than two years. Honestly, I saw a future with him because he was loving and kind and affectionate and handsome until the last few months to conceive his child. The man (let’s call him Felix) started going on and off during the last few months, things changed, and my phone calls went unanswered when I was pregnant but I hoped for the best. I was amazed when Felix called me a day before my delivery and increased my hopes for him when he appeared. That day, he brought not so much for our kid but the fact that he was there it dropped peace in my anxious heart and mind. He named our kid. I was relieved for a moment and saw a glorious future with him.

My Child and Me

After Adrian (not the child’s real name) was born, things become worse. I was ignored totally until I felt like I do not exist as if I mean nothing to him. He left me no choice but to move forward. My mom, my brother, and I lived in one house, where I was the eldest. My mom did not take my situation negatively; instead, she was there all the time whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on. Mom did not have a job so I had to take care of her, my brother, and my child.

When Adrian was first admitted to school, it was during one of my toughest times. School fee was a huge problem for me since I had my mom and my bro to look after. Like any good parent, I wanted a better foundation for Adrian so I preferred a private school to a public one. The amount I needed was KES 7000/- to purchase everything he needed for school but it was a lot for me. Leaving me no choice, I adopted public school but it still required money. A friend of mine, my namesake Maureen, one time called me during those times. Perfect timing, she was truly God sent, though that time she was in Dubai, she stood with me in everything. Every time I recalled that woman, I remember that God never leaves us.

During Adrian’s school days, they were given homework to draw a nuclear family i.e. mom, dad, and children. I still recall vividly how many times I was called to his school because Adrian drew me, (her mom), a sister she never had, and himself. Despite the number of times, I warned him, he never drew a father. Those days I was getting hurt more than him, I wanted his dad to be there for him, but it pained me a lot because he was not. On visiting days, educational days, and school events, my son would come to me and tell me “Rafiki yangu atakuja na babake na mamake”. The words were heavy on me but I used to tell him “I am your father and mother, ‘nitahakikisha nimekuja’ ”. (I will make sure I’ve come). My son could just stare at me with unbelief and sat down innocently. I could tell he was not buying it since he was not talking about it so well.

When my son was 5 years old, he was admitted because of a certain disease, his dad used to visit him, and Adrian used to get so excited to see a dad who was not there for him all this while. He used to say “babangu babangu” (My father My father) every time he was about to meet his dad. On my side, I had never introduced Adrian to his dad totally, I felt like it could hurt him. His dad and I had previously planned to meet but he never showed up. He used to get the child excited over nothing and I did not like seeing Adrian disappointed.

Proud of my son

Deep down I did not want to go through a court process to gain the legality of my child. Adrian’s dad knew he has a son and whether he acknowledges that or not, let him make his choice. My son would have been affected by all those court dramas and the time spent there. From the bible, I understood that the child’s blessing comes from both parents. Therefore, I never fed or painted a negative picture of Adrian’s dad. This decision took time and it was not easy but now, am happy I made it.

Am always keen when introducing my child to a man. This child has been the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes, it was difficult. At times, I had to pay school fees, I want to do this, I cannot do that… but my son has caused my career growth to a higher level, a salary increment from time to time. Sometimes the bills are too heavy, yes, but if it were not for Adrian, I would not be where I am today.

My Advice

Single mothers should acknowledge their child as a blessing, not a curse, and always maintain a positive mindset so that the child may not be corrupted. Embrace who you are now and do not be bitter on yourself and the people around you. Better, you, you have conceived a child, that does not happen to everyone. Perhaps, God can never give you something you cannot manage.

Maureen’s story is meant to encourage you to move forward, inspire you to see things differently, and also educate you on similar issues. Thank you for reading and please share your thoughts on this.

(listen to audio with this link.)

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